Say Goodbye
by Tsubasa Hane
Summary: Sakura has something to tell her childhood friend.


While I'm not exactly a big fan of Madonna, I am a fan of many of her songs.  Including this one.  Hearing it on the radio one afternoon sparked something inside me, and gave me an idea.  For some odd reason, the lyrics just seemed to scream out "TOMOYO."  If you pay close attention to them, you'll probably see why. 

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DISCLAIMER:** CCS, not mine. It belongs entirely to the god-like people of CLAMP, whom obviously still don't know that NELVANA stole and mutilated it. I can only wait patiently for the day they find out and (as Wufei says) Justice is served.  
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_I probably should've brought my jacket; the sun just went behind a cloud, dropping the temperature a good ten degrees due to the cool breeze. But then, Sakura-chan had sounded so upset on the phone; I didn't want to waste a single minute. So I rushed out of the house and headed straight for the park, where she had asked to meet me. Mother was starting off on one of her Kinomoto-sensei/Nadeshiko tirades, anyways, and every time she does, it reminds me of my own… situation. _

_Times like these, it's best for me to be as far away from my house as possible._

_Don't get me wrong; I love my mother dearly, but sometimes the similarities between us are nearly frightening. I only pray that I don't end up the way she did: hating Li-kun the rest of my life, while secretly pining over somebody I could never have. _

_But I'm different from my mother. After all, I helped set the two of them up in the first place. I'm truly happy for them, really I am. Don't I always say that Sakura-chan's happiness is my happiness? I mean it, and repeat the phrase often…_

_…but is that because I'm just trying to convince myself? No. I'm serious. They were destined to be together. It was meant to be…._

_Sighing, I collapse right in the middle of, underneath one of the large Cherry Blossom trees. My mind wanders as I absentmindedly stare out into space. The truth? I'm in denial. I miss the old days when it was just me, Sakura, and my camera following her every kawaii move. Sometimes…sometimes, I almost wish Li-kun had never come to Tomoeda. I know it's selfish, but I just can't help it. Am I destined to face the same fate as my mother?_

**Take a bow, the night is over  
This masquerade is getting older  
Light are low, the curtains down**

"Tomoyo-chan!" 

_A voice I'd recognize anywhere pulls me out of my musings. Looking upward through the gentle downfall of Sakura blossoms gravity pulls from the tree, I see the most beautiful of all. She rushes towards me, her light-brown hair blowing slightly in the chilly air. I barely have time to stand back up before Sakura-chan engulfs me in a tight embrace, forcing me to lean against the tall tree so as not to fall._

_As quickly as she moved, the fact that something was amiss didn't pass by me. Pulling her away, I can see fresh tears brimming her emerald eyes, soon to join the streaks already trailing down her cheeks_. 

"Sakura-chan, what's wrong?"_ I ask, fearing the worst. I instantly relax when I see her smile through the tears, and motion for the two of us to sit back down again._

"Nothing's wrong, Tomoyo-chan," _she begins, wiping her eyes as she talks,_ "I'm probably making this into a bigger deal than it really is, but I just needed to talk to you." 

_Sakura-chan and I are alone, sitting under the Cherry Blossom Tree (which continued a light downpour of petals even as I speak), just the two of us…it almost felt like old times. Not bothering to ponder just why exactly the park was so desolate this time of day, I'd almost have cherished the moment if Sakura-chan hadn't still been crying._

**There's no one here  
[there's no one here, there's no one in the crowd]**

_My fingers slowly find their way to her cheeks, wiping away the tears trickling down them as I smile, encouraging Sakura-chan that whatever it is, she can tell me. _

"Well," _she began,_ "I was over at Syaoran's house, because he was expecting a call from his mother and wanted me to be there. She said there was something important she needed to talk about with the two of us." _She paused briefly, hiccupping in the silence before continuing._ "She wants Syaoran to return to Hong Kong so he can continue his training. With the cards captured, transformed, and sealed, she doesn't feel there's any more reason for him to stay in Japan…" _as her voice trails off, she looks downward, almost guiltily. Why, I'm not sure exactly._

"Oh, Sakura-chan…is that what's bothering you? Li-kun's left before, but he always comes back. You know that nothing would keep him away from you for long." _To my surprise, I find myself smiling at the words. In all honesty, there's no one in the world that'd I trust my Sakura-chan with more than Li Syaoran…_

"That's not it." _Sakura-chan interrupts my train of thought, refusing to look me in the eye. She stares directly at the ground as she continues her next words:_ "They want me to return with him…because of the Clo— Sakura cards. Even if Syaoran isn't the rightful card captor, they still want the cards under the Li family jurisdiction, and the only way is…"

"…for you to live at the Li palace." _I finish her sentence, every word echoing in my head as if it were all a dream._

_I go numb—there's no other way to put it. She may not have realized it, but I knew that there would be only one reason why the Li clan was offering to train her…no matter how badly I try to deny the fact. Sakura-chan's leaving me, and it's all Li-kun's fault… _

_No! I refuse to think like that. But, why can't I feel anything; sadness…hatred…happiness for Sakura-chan? On the outside, I can only smile comfortingly. But on the inside…nothing._

_Sakura-chan finally looks upward and meets me eye-to-eye. I can see her crying, see how confused and upset she must be. Any dread of her leaving in my heart is instantly replaced with empathy for what she's feeling at this very moment. _

"They're not forcing me to go; I get the final say…but I don't know what to say. I'd really love to go and live with Syaoran's family in Hong Kong, be able to train to use my magic properly…but I don't want to leave Tomoeda. Or you…Tomoyo-chan, if I left, I'd miss you too much. You're my best friend, and I don't know what I'd do without you."

**Say your lines but do you feel them  
Do you mean what you say when there's no one around  
Watching you, watching me, one lonely star  
[one lonely star you don't know who you are]**

_She had no idea how much that one sentence means to me. _

_I can still remember the first time we met, as classmates…the eraser she gave to me as a token of her kindness still sits in my tiny box at home, along with the bouquet mother kept from Nadeshiko's wedding long ago. I value Sakura-chan's friendship more than anything in the entire world; it pains me deeply to even have to consider what it would be like if she left._

_Somehow, I hear my voice saying,_ "If I'm the only reason why you'd choose to stay, then don't. I can tell how much you want to go, Sakura-chan. It's where your heart is, and you should always follow your heart."

"But, Tomoyo-chan…" _she starts, before I interrupt her._

"Believe me, Sakura-chan; nothing in the world would make me happier than knowing you were happy. Hong Kong is where you'll be happy, whether you realize it or not." _What am I doing? My mouth is going on autopilot, I have no control…but then why don't I regret every word coming out of it?_

_Sakura-chan looks at me for a moment, before smiling softly. Seeing her face brighten up, and knowing that I was the cause, only makes me happier. _

"I do want to go, so badly it almost frightens me. I don't even care what onnichan thinks, I want to go." _Tilting her head to the side a big, she whispers, _"Arigatou, Tomoyo-chan."__

**I've always been in love with you [always with you]  
I guess you've always known it's true [you know it's true]**

_I vaguely wonder if Sakura-chan understands what I mean exactly when I say her happiness is my happiness. In many ways, such as magic, she's more mature than anyone would ever believe, but in others…she's so innocent and naïve.  It's one of the things people find so charming about her, and it's also reasons like this that she doesn't always realize everything that goes on around her. _

_I recall saying that I'd tell her some day, when she was older…but I guess I was too late. It's probably for the best that she doesn't know…._

**You took my love for granted, why oh why  
The show is over, say good-bye**

_Smiling, her eyes already nearly dry, Sakura-chan stands up, still leaning against the trunk of the tree much as I had done moments before. I must have appeared quite distant at the moment to her, because I next her heard suggesting we head over to the park swings._

"After all, I'm not gone yet…there's no reason why we still can't have some fun." 

_I barely get a word in before she sprints off in the direction of the playground._

_Watching her go, I can't help but shake my head and smile. No matter what, Sakura-chan will always be Sakura-chan. Shouting at her to wait up, I head off in the same direction._

**Say good-bye [bye bye], say good-bye**

_By the time I reach the swing set, Sakura-chan is already seated, giggling a little as she pumps her legs to move. Watching her for a moment, I recall the last time I saw her sitting on that very swing…_

_Mei Ling and Li-kun had just run into us (literally) at the Carnival, and we had all walked over to the swing set. Sakura-chan and Mei Ling had each sat down on a swing, as Mei Ling told her that they were visiting from Hong Kong for a while, and whispered in confidentiality that she had broken off her engagement with Li-kun because he loved someone else…because he loved, no, loves Sakura-chan. _

_Now I remember; that was where the plan Mei Ling and I had concocted to get Sakura-chan to admit her feelings had begun._

"Tomoyo-chan, will you push me?" 

_Sakura-chan speaks up, once again bringing me out of my thoughts. She looks up at me, her eyes pleading like a little child asking for candy would. I can't help but laugh; she's such a child, full of live and innocence._

**Make them laugh, it comes so easy**  
**When you get to the part  
Where you're breaking my heart  
Hide behind your smile, all the world loves a clown  
[just make 'em smile the whole world loves a clown]**

_The world around me seems to stop completely as I slowly push her on the swing, back and forth, with care. Lightly, I grab hold of the chain, my fingers briefly brushing against hers, as I hold it tight, pull it towards me, then push it away again. Back and forth…back and forth…and along with it, Sakura-chan. _

_Each time I push her away, she always returns._

_My mind vaguely registers the fact that the time will come when I'm going to push and she won't come back, but I push that thought deep down as I try to live in the moment, Sakura-chan's occasional giggling and the creaking of the swing chain signaling that it needs to be oiled the only sounds to be heard in the otherwise serene hush in the air._

**Wish you well, I cannot stay  
You deserve an award for the role that you played  
No more masquerade, you're one lonely star  
[one lonely star and you don't know who you are]**

_I can see through the smile, Sakura-chan. You can laugh and pretend that nothing's different…kami knows I've certainly tried…but deep down, you're still worried. I've got to give you credit, were I anyone else, I might have been fooled. _

"Wanna switch for a little while, Tomoyo-chan?" _Sakura asks while in mid-air,_ "I can push you on the swing."

_I smile._ "Okay." 

_Holding tightly to the chain, I manage to slow her down long enough for her to jump off. Getting on the swing, I can feel Sakura-chan's hands on my back as she pushes me forward. I fly through the air freely, only to return to her moments later so the process can repeat itself over again._

**I've always been in love with you [always with you]  
I guess you've always known it's true [you know it's true]**

_I can't help but suddenly get a burst of inspiration in the moment. I probably startled Sakuta-chan, skidding to a stop on the swing, a far-off look in my eyes. I know it's there, because I've heard both Sakura-chan and Li-kun nervously laugh every time I'm "inspired"—just as I probably do now._

"I know that look, Tomoyo-chan. What are you planning_?" She holds onto the chains of the swing to steady them as I abruptly get up_

_As I turn around, it's all I can do not to laugh at the priceless expression on her face. She didn't even have to ask; she *knew* what was coming:_

"Watching you and Li-kun take off from the airport would make a _wonderful_ video! I can see it now—I'll call it 'Sakura-chan's farewell.' I've even got a great idea for a costume…"

"H-hoe…"

**You took my love for granted, why oh why  
The show is over, say good-bye**

**Say good-bye [bye bye], say good-bye**

_You're blushing, Sakura-chan…how kawaii! Oh, if only I had my camera with me. Where'd I leave that thing, anyways?_

**All the world is a stage [world is a stage]  
And everyone has their part [has their part]**

_I have no magic. None, whatsoever.  I wasn't able to help you in any card capturing, but I made sure I was able to do something. To me, it was an adventure…an exciting experience destined for film, with Sakura-chan as the star. Li-kun was always in the background, and I was behind the scenes; Kero-chan would simply be the encourager._

_I played each adventure like a movie. I'll admit it; I'm a dreamer—I live life outside of reality, where everything's perfect, everything goes exactly the way you want it to. _

_The world is my stage; Sakura, the star; and me, the director._

**But how was I to know which way the story'd go  
How was I to know you'd break  
[you'd break, you'd break, you'd break]  
You'd break my heart**

_Suddenly, right in the middle of my scheming, Sakura-chan just starts to laugh. I stop mid-sentence and turn around, to find her nearly in hysterics._

"Now this is the Tomoyo-chan I know." _She says between giggle fits._ "You were making me nervous there for a while, acting so grim." _For some reason, I find myself joining in the laughter. Moments like this are rare these days, and I treasure every second of them._

"Does this mean you'll wear the costume for me?" 

_Sighing in defeat, yet with a smile on her face, she agrees. I've already got the perfect idea; a cross between Chinese and Japanese. I still remember the last time we visited China together, the beautiful Chinese dress you wore…it was so simple, and yet it suited you just perfectly. I also remember the pink kinomo you wore one year at that festival…_

_Smiling, I realize that you'd look beautiful to me no matter what you'd wear. But that's not going to stop me from creating new, original costumes for you every chance I get. _

_I once told Kero-chan that I prefer to live my life not regretting a single moment of it, and how simple things like playing dress-up with Sakura-chan as my doll is all I really need to make myself happy_

_Now what am I going to do with all those clothes when you leave me, Sakura-chan?_

**I've always been in love with you  
[I've always been in love with you]  
Guess you've always known  
You took my love for granted, why oh why  
The show is over, say good-bye**

"Tomoyo-chan, you're shaking! Why don't you have a jacket on?" _A worried expression takes up her face, as I realize for the first time just how cool the evening air got to be. Indeed, my body was shivering in the slightest with every gust of wind. _

_Wrapping my arms around myself to try and warm up a bit, I sheepishly respond,_ "I was worried about you when you called, and forgot to grab one on the way home."

_Shaking her head authoritively, Sakura carefully unzipped her jacket, revealing a warm sweater underneath, and handed it to me. Thanking her graciously, I accept the gift and hurriedly wrap the pink windbreaker around my shoulders. It smells faintly of strawberry, her signature scent._

"Thanks, Sakura-chan," _I wrap her in a tight hug, tears already starting to fall, _"I'm going to miss you when you leave."

"I'll miss you, too, Tomoyo-chan…but we can always write to one another, and even visit." _No sooner do the words leave her mouth, than I open my eyes and see a figure heading towards us. Squinting my eyes in the dim light (the sun has long since vanished from view), I can see Li-kun's trademark unruly, brown hair…_

_Reluctantly, I pull away from Sakura-chan so she can spot him. I watch her whole face light up the instant he falls into her line of view._

"Shouldn't you tell him?" _Once again, my mouth moves on its own about two seconds quicker than my mind can register. Squeezing my hands briefly in gratitude, she merely nods in response before heading over to meet him halfway._

**I've always been in love with you [always with you]  
I guess you've always known it's true [you know it's true]  
You took my love for granted, why oh why  
The show is over, say good-bye**

_As I watch Sakura-chan run up to him, catching in a giant hug, I slowly sit back down on the swing, clutching the chains for support. I watch as she tells him the news, and he takes it with a giant smile reserved for no one but Sakura-chan, pulling her into an embrace once more._

_Leaning against the right chain, I close my eyes, preparing for the tears I knew were about to come. I waited and waited…but, nothing. Opening my eyes once more in surprise, I vaguely watch out of the corner of my eye as the two of them walk off together…_

_And I smile._

_I don't feel sad…angry…or even numb. I feel…happy. Truly happy, for both Sakura-chan and Li-kun. _

_And in that moment, I realize that I'm *not* like my mother at all. In fact, we're worlds apart, because unlike her, I can say goodbye. While mother's doomed to live in the past forever, I can move on and be happy._

_But first thing's first; I'd better start on that farewell dress of hers right away!_

**Say good-bye [bye bye], say good-bye**

_Goodbye, Sakura-chan; I love you, and I'll miss you…_

**Say good-bye....**

.

.

_~OWARI~_


End file.
